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I’d like to announce the release of Instill Kids Bedtime Prayer on the app stores. This has been my Mount Everest and something I’ve fought to build while struggling with chronic illness and financial strain. In fact it was those very challenges that inspired the idea in the first place. It’s taken 4 years of slowly working on this, alone, to get to this moment.
The idea was born at one of the lowest points in my life, facing financial ruin and the prospect of not being able to provide for my family while living in a foreign country. Despite stepping out in faith and obedience, we were in real trouble. And then, as I ran on the treadmill late one night, my thinking switched in a moment of God given inspiration.
Instead of asking God why He had abandoned us, I began to ask why I, as a mature Christian, was not coping better in this situation. I knew the scriptures and I’d like to think I knew God, and His thoughts toward me and my precious family. So much so that we had sacrificed everything we owned and moved overseas, in faith, to start https://www.freedominternational.org (trafficking prevention), trusting He would make a way for us. But here I was, 8 months later, mentally, spiritually, emotionally at the end of my rope.
I knew there were many in the world facing greater suffering than us. But this was too much for me, because it was about the wellbeing of my family. I know many of you can relate to that feeling. Little did I know our wilderness was just beginning.
My thoughts shifted to my childhood, as they often do when everything we’ve built as adults seems to fall apart.
I thought of myself as a child, and I thought of Elysabeth, who was 5 at the time. I thought of Ravi, who was abandoned and wandering the streets of Phnom Penh, starving, when she was just 4 years old. And I thought of the child hidden inside every one of us. Our vulnerability. We hide that child so well as adults, but he or she is still in there, deep down, for better or worse.
My wife and I had prayed and spoke scripture over Elysabeth since she was a baby. I could already see that she would be better prepared for the crucibles of life than me.
And I began to think of the thousands of children who will one day face overwhelming struggles of their own. And I wondered if there was something I could do to help prepare them for it.
Countless children who desperately need strong foundations of belief and identity, of resilience and faith, and the truth of scripture instilled in them at a young age. Most with amazing and well meaning parents, but speaking from experience, most parents of young children are pretty exhausted by bedtime, and need all the support they can get.
So I began to study the scriptures and write personalised bedtime prayers. Every line of prayer was directly inspired by a scripture. And I began to build the app. But if things were hard before, they were about to get a lot harder.
I got Covid, then Long Covid, and for the first time in my life I faced anxiety and brain fog and debilitating fatigue and lost my capacity to handle stress. I struggled to work, to provide, to be the husband and father I wanted to be. I spent countless days stuck in bed and when I used to run 10km now I couldn’t walk more than a few metres.
But I never gave up on the app, on God’s plan for our family, on one day clearing our debt, and of one day being healthy and capable again. And maybe one day, we could re-establish and grow our trafficking prevention work.
I worked on the app slowly, when I could. Often while I was stuck in bed unable to move. Slowly but surely. Facing technical setbacks at every turn, learning the hard way to build an app. In the state I was in there were countless tears of frustration, of despair, of discouragement. But I refused to give up.
I continued to struggle, and I continue to struggle still, with health, with finances, with understanding God’s plan. My wrestle with God and with life continues and I don’t have all the answers for my situation let alone anyone else’s.
But when I look back on the past 4 years…
I’d like to think that my wilderness is not pointless, but preparation. My Garden of Gethsemane not a dead end but a gateway. My crushing not a waste, but to produce quality wine that lasts. If nothing else, I hope my story is an encouragement to you when you’re struggling, to try to find the purpose in it, or at least to wait for it to be revealed to you. Nothing is wasted and He turns all things for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
I hope these bedtime prayers are an incredible blessing for many children around the world, and will be carried in their hearts for their entire lives. If you’d like to help make this vision a reality, please spread the word about this app to parents. They need all the help and support they can get. And If you’d like to learn more about the app visit https://www.instillapp.com or to download on the app stores visit https://link.instillapp.com/download
And to the child deep down inside you, I want to remind you that you are precious, seen, treasured, and loved by your Heavenly Father, and no matter how it feels, or how things look, He has not abandoned you, and He is with you.
I’d like to thank my beautiful wife Kamini Ives, and amazing daughters Ravi Ives and Elysabeth, for believing in me and supporting me in countless ways to make this possible.
I’d like to thank Doreen Bennison for always praying, giving, and being an incredible example of never giving up through countless challenges.
Thank you to Sarah Sheehy and Leigh Surcess for your powerful prayer and intercession, and Phoebe Osterhus for faithfully serving with us in Cambodia.
And I’d like to thank my friend, business partner, and Director of Instill Apps Jeremy Harris, for supporting me faithfully and patiently through this journey, and for being a friend since we were 14 years old. And thank you to those who supported us in this season in some way, you know who you are.
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